4 Self-Love Myths & the Real TRUTH

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The BIG Question:

How can I love myself?

This, my friends, is so fabulous. I have to tell you, I used to get really confused by this.

Self-love? What does that even MEAN? Am I supposed to obsess over myself? Am I supposed to think I am so cool and gorgeous and amazing? If so, then I don’t know if I can EVER love myself that much. Besides, I’m NOT so cool and amazing, so I don’t think this self-love thing would even work for me.

Ha. Ha. The irony.

I think the fact that I am SO passionate about self-love now is because I resented it so much earlier. More than resentment, I just found it STUPID. Like what is this CRAP. Don’t give me bullshit by telling me that self-love will solve my problems. Just tell me how to actually solve my problems.

SO if you have heard this phrase, and are curious about it, keep reading.

If you wonder… hmm… self-love. What is self-love? What does it mean to practice self-love? Is it even possible for me to love myself (me, ugly, pointless, weird, disgusting, sad, blah, negative, weird, socially-awkward, dumb ME)?

The answer is: yup it is.

It might seem unattainable to you, but I am going to help you understand what self-love truly is, and bust some common misconceptions!

Bonus: here are 10 practical tips to love yourself (cuz I am ALL about the practical. Hate fluff)!

Don’t have time right now? Save it for later! 

What is Self-love?
Self-love is not just self-care. That is a big myth.

Myth 1 – Self-love Is Just Self-Care

Nope. Sure, self-care like resting, taking a bubble bath, going for a manicure, etc., can all be part of self-love. BUT you it isn’t just that. There is a lot more (which I will get to later).

Myth 2 – All Self-Care is Self-Love

Again, a myth. You could be getting a manicure or getting a haircut for #SelfcareSunday, but the whole time you are telling yourself – ugh I am so ugly I NEED a manicure, I have horrendous hands, eww, ew, ewwww.

News flash. That “self-love” isn’t loving. AT ALL.

Myth 3 – Self-Love Means Being in LOVE with Yourself

Nope. you aren’t getting butterflies thinking about yourself. That would be weird. Nor do you have to think you are the bestest most amazing person on the planet.

Myth 4 – Self-Love Means You Become Self-Obsessed

This has a 3 point rebuttal. Ready?

I know most of you are unfortunately filling your heads with SO much self-hate that right now, reaching a point where you are too obsessed with yourself is so far away that you do NOT need to worry about it).

Even a million gallons of self-love won’t necessarily lead to cockiness. Being cocky means thinking you are better than everyone else. Self-love is being so secure in yourself, with pure, loving energy, that you don’t even compare yourself to others!

Even if self-love made you cocky, I honestly think maybe being cocky is better than self-hate. At least you are living in a brain that loves you and isn’t spewing out negativity all the time. What’s the point of hurting yourself so much?

Fabulous. But what is self-love then?

Self-love is based on the way you talk to yourself, how you treat yourself, and what you tell your subconscious mind about yourself.

Do you talk to yourself encouragingly or harshly? Do you treat yourself rudely or with kindness? Do you show yourself you are worth it or just pointless?

When you mess up, how do you address yourself?
When you are feeling low, do you end up making yourself feel more guilty for being blah?
When you take longer at doing something than you expected, do you punish yourself?
When you have a fight with someone, do you let yourself feel completely pointless?
When someone makes you angry, do you just blame yourself?

Now how can we change that?

Self-love means you honor, respect, and love yourself enough to be nice.

It is both mindset and self-care.

So, start by listing things you like about yourself.
Lift yourself up when you fail or make a mistake.

List your positive traits.

Encourage yourself (in the mirror) – affirmations!
Before bed, tell yourself your win for the day.

Set boundaries

Say no

Take time to slow down

Prioritize yourself – (this is where self-care comes in)

Go deeper and find the reason why you feel like you aren’t good enough. Find the reason why you think you need to be punished every time you make a mistake. Why are you deserving of guilt and punishment? What are your limiting beliefs? Where did they come from?

Rewire them, and ta-da!

Do everything you can to tell yourself you are worth it. You are worth your time, your energy, your money, your effort. Whether that is taking time to meditate or putting on makeup or spending some money on yourself or saying no to a pointless meeting. These things in real life might not seem to make much of a difference, but everything you do tells your subconscious something.

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Conclusion

Practicing self-love, and reaching a point where it is natural will take time. After a lifetime of judging, hating, and being a jerk to yourself, it isn’t natural for your brain to be kind to yourself. And when it is, your inner self laughs it off as a joke, because it doesn’t believe it. But the more you convince your subconscious, the more you will slowly accept this belief.

Self-love isn’t easy. But it is SO worth it. If you feel like enough-is-enough, you are tired of feeling blah and sad and guilty, and want to feel better, the key is love. From love, comes all things, and if there is a bunch of hate in your head, no matter what personal-development work you do, unfortunately it won’t change anything.

See, you can do a task like journaling every day. But what effect will it have if the reason you are doing it is to tick it off your to-do list? But if you do it out of love for yourself, then all of a sudden it is going to have so much more impact.

Because when you BE somebody who loves herself, you will be able to DO the loving things for yourself so that you can HAVE the life you want – the life where you actually truly do like yourself.

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