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What is the ego?
According to Freud’s pyschological theory, there are three parts of your personality: the id (your needs, basic desires, etc), the superego (the moral part of you), and the ego (which tries to satisfy the id within society’s standards).
Similarly, according to Jungian psychology, the personality has two centers: the ego and the Self. The ego is the center of consciousness, whereas the Self is the center of the total personality. The Self includes the consciousness, the unconscious, and the ego. The Self is both the whole and the center.
There are many different names for the ego-self.
Shadow-self, False-self, or the “Big Snooze” (Jen Sincero’s version from You are a Badass). It is also called the “monkey mind” in Buddhism.
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Fearful
- One of the most fundamental characteristics of the ego is that it is afraid. It tries to protect you from everything. It likes to stay comfortable.
Fake, Pre-programmed
- The ego runs on the programs and beliefs that have been fed into it. So, it isn’t your TRUE self. It isn’t your real personality. It is just a fake, programmed version of you.
Most of the time, however, it feels the most real. You know that voice in your head? The one that keeps talking to you? Do you think that is you?
If answered yes, then that is an exact demonstration of what I am trying to say. That voice in your head is actually your ego, not you.
Lives on Autopilot
- The ego is what reacts to situations automatically. It runs on autopilot. So, if we are in a situation we have already experienced before, the ego has a pre-programmed response. The ego will cause us to react automatically.
For example, let’s say you were bullied as a kid for being fat. Years later, you are extremely fit, and you are eating ice cream on a cheat day. Let’s say someone bigger than you points out that ice cream is fattening. You will probably lash out at them. Why? You know that you are healthy, active, fit, and in great shape. Plus, this is just a cheat meal. But you still feel angry and triggered. That is the ego.
Loves Instant Gratification
- Your ego is what looks for instant gratification. It feels comfortable, right? It likes the dopamine hit it gets when your filtered selfie gets 100 likes. It likes the validation of buying a new phone. BUT, investing that same amount of money on yourself, in a course or coach, is UNTHINKABLE for the ego. Why? Because it is new, strange, and UNCOMFORTABLE.
Seeks Comfort
- Your ego wants to stay comfortable.
One of my favorite philosophies is: “There is No Growth Without Discomfort.”
And that is why the ego is completely unhelpful to growth because it avoids discomfort at all costs.
This is the reason why most of the world goes to school, then goes to college, then finds a good 9-5 job, and spends the rest of their life trying to climb up the corporate ladder. Because it is comfortable. Safe. Familiar.
It will do anything it can to keep you safe amidst your negative beliefs (even if they are extremely limiting and 100% made up). It will tell you anything to keep you in your comfort zone.
Automated
The ego’s beliefs are mostly automated. It was programmed when we were kids. Most of what we believe, think, and feel is programmed before our prefrontal cortex is fully developed, because we blindly absorb everything that we are told. We don’t have the power to rationalize yet. So everything you learn till about 7 years old, is going to be part of your life’s belief systems. And these programs are the cause of most of our suffering.
As Greek philosopher Aristotle once said, “Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.”
The Ego’s Purpose
The ego was very helpful when we humans lived in the wild and had to be wary of predators, dangerous animals, poisonous berries, and all the other dangers of the wild. That time, this annoying voice constantly doubting you and your actions was a big blessing.
However, we don’t live like that anymore. When you want to take a risk now, like start a business or stand up to your family, things that will (promote) your growth, your ego still thinks you are doing something scary like eating a strange berry (that could be poisonous).
So it is crucial that you identify when your ego is speaking in your mind and controlling you!
Most of us live according to our egos. As Jen Sincero calls it, it is the “big snooze.” It is the one who would rather stay home, safe and miserable, than put yourself out there in the dating world (even if you know you want to!).
Have you ever had a fight with someone and you get defensive? That is the ego trying to preserve itself. It is trying to protect you, and it feels like everyone is out to get you.
How to Overcome the EGO
The ego keeps you on autopilot, by previously programming your responses and reactions. This might sound efficient, but in reality it is holding you back from living a life you actually want to, rather than the one you are stuck with. It is keeping you stuck in the same patterns, stuck with the same vices, and reacting in the same negative way.
And that is no way to live. You are essentially living like a programmed robot. So how can you take back control of your life?
1. Be Aware
Firstly, get used to noticing the ego. This happens when you become aware of the thoughts you are having, and then realizing that most of those thoughts aren’t YOU.
With each thought (especially negative, fearful, or anxious thoughts), ask yourself: is this my ego or is this ME?
One of the best ways to build awareness is to have a journaling practice or to be still. Take some time each day to just sit with yourself in silence. This is the best way to start becoming aware of the thoughts running in your head, and realizing that those thoughts aren’t YOU, and that they are projecting a fake reality.
2. Alter Your Thoughts (and reactions)
Once you are aware of your ego talking, you hold the power, because now you have a choice.
The emotional voice in your head is just your ego. But the reality has no emotions attached to it. So you can choose what you think about each situation.
The ego, however, always goes for the negative emotion. Now, you can look at the facts and come to an unbiased conclusion.
If a limiting belief is playing in your mind, you can now rewire it.
If you notice that a particular reaction is just your ego, try to change it. If you react badly to a situation, you can be consciously aware of your reaction and try to alter it so that it is in line with who you actually want to be.
3. Focus on the present
The ego focuses on the past (brings up all previous situations and augments the negative ones), while worrying about the future.
BUT the reality is ONLY in the present.
When you see the present as just what it is – the present- you can analyze the situation without any negative bias or emotions attached. You can see the facts as they are, and then make a conscious decision.
As soon as you are present and conscious, the ego has no more room in your mind. It will automatically dissolve.
One more thing: when you aren’t present, you miss out on opportunities, which further fuels your negative beliefs. This strengthens the ego.
4. Embrace Discomfort
The ego loves to keep you comfortable, so naturally, when you decided to stop listening to your shadow-self, you will have to start doing things outside your comfort zone.
You will have to take risks, because you can’t use your ego’s excuses of “you will never succeed” or that “you aren’t good enough”.
You will have to start loving yourself and believing in the things that you never thought were possible. You will have to start stepping out of your limiting beliefs, into the unknown. At times, you will have to admit you are wrong in an argument. You might need to stand up for yourself to your boss, or leave a 10-year old toxic relationship.
All of this is uncomfortable, and that is why the ego keeps you away from it.
All this discomfort is also just a manifestation of your ego. And over time, you will get more comfortable doing what was ‘scary’ earlier.
But the good thing is, whenever you do feel discomfort, you can be assured that you are growing and taking back control of your life!
You cannot fight against the ego and win, just as you cannot fight against darkness. The light of consciousness is all that is necessary. You are that light. ~ Eckhart Tolle
My Ego-Self
My ego has stopped me tremendously. In school, my ego always told me to stay quiet. In college, my ego told me I wasn’t good enough and I had to do everything or I was a failure (which ultimately led to burnout and depression… NOT helpful ego!)
My ego stopped me from standing up for myself. My ego stopped me from being spontaneous and taking risks.
And my ego STILL finds its way back into my mind, telling me: who do you think you are? You aren’t good enough? You don’t deserve this? Don’t you think your dreams are too big and too crazy?
Conclusion
The ego is the voice of FEAR.
The ego’s job is to keep you safe.
The ego is addicted to being busy, being right, and taking the easy route.
Stop letting that annoying voice in your head control the show!
The ego is amazing at taking control of your mind, emotions, and actions, and making you believe it is you. It is also one of the biggest reasons of suffering. It is so worried to keep you safe, that it focuses on fear, negativity, discomfort, and instant gratification, which makes you lose out on so much good stuff in life.
The reason you fight, have bad relationships, or can’t break bad habits are all a result of the ego. It keeps you safe from others and from the unknown. That is why you want to be right, or can’t understand someone else’s point, even if you know deep down they might be right. That is the self-preservation instinct that the ego has.
The reason you are STUCK, is because of the ego, because it is terrified of the unknown.
So if you are ready to alter the course of your life and get rid of the limiting beliefs that the ego thrives on, then let’s jump on a call to put together a plan!
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This was very helpful. I made a sticky note that says BE PRESENT. I need a daily reminder of this. Thanks!
That is such an important reminder! I keep writing it on me 🙂
Wow thanks for this detailed description to understand better
ourselves, surely the secret is to be more in the present moment..
Such a detailed analyse..
Glad you enjoyed this post!
Great article! Really makes you think!
thank you!
This was so enlightening! Thank you so much for sharing this information. Great post 🙂
Thank you! I am so glad you got something out of it!
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