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Learning to love yourself is hugely important for your mental health, productivity, and success. I know, it sounds lame. Something you leave for the weak. But no, it isn’t just for the weak. Every single person needs to love themselves (not in a cocky way. If you are cocky, you probably have other issues). I am going to explain the importance of self-love in extreme detail. 

Note: This article is especially tailored for the people who beat themselves up because they…

1. Think they aren’t good enough as a person (e.g.: cool enough, confident enough, pretty enough, funny enough, etc). 
2. Think they aren’t good enough at something (e.g.: good enough at writing, at painting, at talking, at negotiating, at selling, at leading, at working, at studying, at sports, at singing, etc).
3. Think they aren’t doing enough (e.g.: aren’t productive enough, or don’t do enough, or don’t get enough done, etc).

OMG. Stop it.

People! Girls! Boys! I am going to go in Caps Lock now because I see so many people doing this, and it is so wrong: STOP BEING AN ASS TO YOURSELF! There are ENOUGH troubled people who have act like an ass, because of their own issues and let it out on you.

Why are you being a jerk to yourself too? 

Love yourself man.

For Person 1: If you don’t think you are an awesome person, you need to start thinking that. Right now. 

For Person 2: No one is perfect in the beginning. Stop being mean to yourself because you aren’t perfect right now. Tell yourself you are getting better, that you are trying. (Example: jump to “You are a cute Baby”).

For Person 3: If you set a goal to do something, and miss it, do not, please, please, please, do not let it out on yourself. Do not say “omg I suck”, “omg I am a loser”, ” I can’t do anything right”, “everyone seems to be happy and do 10000 things and I can’t even do one.” 

NO. 

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Why Should You Love Yourself?

The day you start loving yourself is the day that you will start getting stronger, and more capable of achieving your goals. That includes working on yourself (person 1), your skills (person 2), or your ability to do and achieve more (person 3). 

Until you are strong, you can completely forget about trying to do the things you want. As you love yourself, you feel more confident in your ability to succeed. And that is the key to actually succeeding. Loving yourself, no matter what, regardless of your fuck-ups, allows you to focus on the ways you can improve, rather than on your failures.

Self- Love Works

So it starts with SELF-love (not the little buzzword which means you put on a face-mask. No.) I am talking about actually LOVING yourself and being nice to yourself and saying sweet things, and feeling emotions like, “omg, I deserve love and beauty and happiness, and I deserve love from myself”. I know that sounds corny. It might even be. But trust me, it works. I know because I have tried it.

Release the Past [Fuck Ups]

Let go of your past. You fucked up 2 minutes ago? It is fine. Don’t hang onto it. Think about now. Be happy. Be in the moment. Love yourself regardless, as you would if you had succeeded or done something great 2 minutes ago. 

Have you ever felt like if you start off with a good day and one thing goes right, the rest of the day just seems to flow easily, and everything goes right? 

But if you fuck up in the morning it gets harder and harder to do the right stuff. The only reason this happens is because we hold on to events. If you let go, every moment is fresh, and a chance to succeed.

You are a Cute Baby (sort of) – Love Makes You Strong

It is like a baby (let’s name her Baby) trying to walk. Now, Baby can decide in her head, I am going to walk like my big brother, and run around. And she tries. And she falls. 

Will you go tell the baby “you are a loser”, “fuck, you can’t do anything right”, “how dumb are you, everyone can walk, only you can’t.”

No!

You pet Baby, you cuddle her, you say, “It is okay. I still love you.” You LOVE her. 

And then, after showering Baby with love, she tries again. 

If Baby was told “you are stupid” constantly, Baby would start to believe this fact, and never try to walk again. Why? Because she believes she is stupid, and that becomes her reality.

You are the same. You need that love. You need love to make you stronger and get you up. 

Love Yourself NOW vs. Feeling Good LATER (maybe)

And, the whole point is to feel good. You are doing things to accomplish things to feel good. You want to be productive so you get a salary raise so you can use that money to feel good. You want to workout so you can feel good, or to look good so that when you look in the mirror, you feel good. So, if the end desire is to feel good, but you make yourself feel like shit along the way, what is the point? Enjoy the now. If you make a mistake, let it go, love yourself, and feel good now. 

My Experience: 

I have struggled with this forever. Anyways I am an overachieving perfectionist so if I decide to do 1 thing, I will end up deciding to create 10 new habits. And of course, I fail. So I beat myself up. (I guess I am person 3).

But the moment I started being kind – and it is hard– I felt a shift. Not immediately. But over a few days, I was able to let go of failures and still try again. Not to mention, I FELT so much happier! Which is always better than that disgusting feeling in your chest. 

But it is hard. I struggle a lot with not hating myself. But I try. 

And I try saying things like “it is okay”, “I am doing my best”, “I love myself”, “I am getting stronger/better every day”, “I allow myself to be happy”. 

This releases negative feelings that are associated with me not doing what I wanted to. For example, I struggle with binge eating at night. Of course, I don’t want to do it. I hate myself the next morning, every morning. But, by saying “it is okay” or “I allow myself to be happy” I am basically telling myself, that hey, even though I didn’t do what was IDEAL, it is okay. Even though I feel bad for not doing the ideal, I am releasing that negative feeling and allowing myself to start afresh today and be happy, unattached to the less-than optimal (according to my harsh standards) of my past.

And because of that, I can actually get back to work, back to whatever it is I wanted to do, and try again! 🙂 Win-win! 

So, now is the big question. I’ve given you a lot of information and reasons on why you should love yourself. But how can you PRACTICALLY love yourself? 

How Can You Love Yourself? 

1.  Ask yourself, is your fuck-up really that big of a deal?

What are the real consequences? Is something permanently damaged?

2.  Accept (and love) your imperfections.

You can’t always be perfect. It is impossible. Don’t have those high expectations. Relax, a bit.

3.  Turn negatives into neutrals and feelings into facts. 

Instead of “I suck at writing” say “I can learn to improve my writing”. Instead of “I will never be able to run a marathon” say “I can practice running every day so that one day I can run a marathon”.

4.  Put distance between your thoughts/feelings and who YOU actually are.

Instead of saying “I am a lazy fat potato because I didn’t workout today” say “I am having a thought that I am a lazy fat potato because I didn’t workout today”. Or instead of “I am stupid because I couldn’t get my work done right” say “I feel stupid because I couldn’t get my work done right” becuase I said a stupid thing in my meeting”. The difference is between telling yourself “I felt stupid” or “I am having the thought that I am stupid” vs “I am stupid”.

5.  Talk to yourself like one of your friends would. 

Basically, would they think your fuck-up is the end of the world? No. They would be sensible and logical and compassionate. So be that to yourself. Be your BEST FRIEND! (Something extremely important, but I will get into that later)

6.  Talk to someone (like a friend) about your fuck-up.

Getting something in the open is cathartic and is a form of release. Admit how you made a mistake or didn’t do what you wanted to do. Release your fuck-up out into the open. It will make you feel better, and they probably will be sensible, logical, and compassionate, like you were supposed to be with yourself, but you probably weren’t. 

7.  Make a list of 20 great things you did in the past 2 months.

Did you start working out? Did you limit your sugar intake? Did you start a book? Did you say something nice to someone? Did you make someone dinner? Did you leave social media? Did you try a new hobby?… 

8. List out 6 things you are good at, every day.

Every morning, make a list of 6 things you are good at. It can be a skill, a character trait, the fact that you are a nice person, you are great at gossip, you stay away from gossip, anything but 6 things that you are good at. 

9. Love yourself unconditionally every day. 

Look in the mirror, look into your eyes, and say “I love you, no matter what.”

10. Do something nice for yourself. 

Do something you love, just for yourself, even if it doesn’t make you a perfect person or more productive or more awesome at anything. Make yourself pancakes or give yourself one day off to do nothing. Do it just because you know you deserve to be happy and have fun. 

Conclusion: 

Loving yourself is crucial to living a happier, more productive, and more successful life. Love is a positive source of energy, and if you want to do more, then you need energy. If you beat yourself up, you are essentially sucking out more energy from yourself, and moving further away from your goals and ideal person. It is counter intuitive, but to achieve more and be more, you might just need to love yourself enough to do and be less. 

What tip stood out to you? Is there something else that you do to love yourself?

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